Fri 3-20-2009 Lemmings at the Cliff.

Fri 3-20-2009 Lemmings at the Cliff.

The political and environmental concerns followed and acted on by the peers of my high school days have been replaced by 17 year-old douchebags in training driving daddy’s Escalade with 22 inch rims, thinking they’re going to get out of school and be handed a $100 K job like it’s candy.

Political parties in general and the Republican party specifically have thrived in any environment or period of group think. When people start researching and checking facts, not accepting the words of talking heads at face value, this is when politicians get very concerned. It causes them to realize there may come a day when they’ll have to work for a living. Freestyle, NB Zero

Sat 3-21-2009 Ben-cyclopedia Made Up Words Phrases Update!

Sat 3-21-2009 Ben-cyclopedia Made Up Words and Phrases Update!

Spreading the awesome – to review this means spending time with a wide variety of different people so they can all be exposed to the awesomeness that is ME. Made up by ME.
Bum snake – a big, healthy deuce-dropping that resembles a python in its size, scariness and deadliness. Made up by ME.
Irish nap – when you are going into the bedroom drunk to pass out for the night and you hit the floor before you make it to the bed. Made up by ME.
Mommery – a colony or collection of hot moms or MILFs who happen to be in the same place at the same time so that male bystanders and all around dirty-minded male perverts can enjoy their collective hotness and use it as fodder for filthy fantasies. Made up by ME.
Amazingness – the act or condition of being amazing. This can refer to Clay Aiken, the Octomom, Heidi and Spencer or Paula Abdul. See also – Republic of Douchbagerie.
Milf-tastic – the condition of being a hot mom or mom I’d like to fuck. Made up by ME.
Titty patriot – refers to girls who free their titties from the unfair bondage of brassieres for the betterment and enjoyment of all humanity. Made up by ME. NB 11
Bartendress – female bartender, usually hot, sociable, friendly, with a rocking body and wearing very tight fitting spandex outfits because it’s the “required uniform – wink, wink.” It has nothing to do with the fact that their ass and tits look amazing in their outfit or that it increases the tips they receive. Made up by ME. NB 10
Bestness – compliments of the TV show Dollhouse starring Eliza Dushku. It means the act or condition of being the best at something. In this case she was referring to Bonnie and Clyde, the bank robbing duo.
Funner – the comparative of the word fun. Compliments of Bethanny from the TV show The Real Housewives of New York City. As in “this is one of the more funner experiences I ‘ve ever had.”
I cheers to you – means I am toasting you with an alcoholic beverage in my glass and I can’t express this action in any clearer way. Same source as above – Bethanny.

Thu 3-19-2009 A C with a K? Or Vicey Versie?

Thu 3-19-2009 A C with a K? Or Vicey Versie?

Most of the girls I’ve dated or have been attracted to have names starting with the “kuh” sound. My first crush – Kristen Nielsen. First girlfriend – Chrissy Vincenzo. Last girlfriend before getting married: Christine. Recent crush – Kelli, then Kristen. Girls I think are cute: Christina D., Karen, Christina C., Misti and Misty. Mostly C’s and K’s. What’s up with that? NB 10

Wed 3-18-2009 My New Dream Girl - Her Name Is Karen!

Wed 3-18-2009 My New Dream Girl - Her Name Is Karen!

I just saw for the first time yesterday the owner of the bar that I go to pretty regularly and she’s quite a cutie. Probably in her early 30’s with long brown hair and a great body too! Of course, I’m only interested in her bedroom skills, not her business skills. The fact that she owns a bar and has access to vast quantities of beer is just a bonus. I’m always joking when I say something like I need a sugar mama, because I don’t think I’m the kind of guy who could just sit around the house. I need to be out in the world mixing with humanity. I do appreciate a girl that understands the business world and gets things done. We made eye contact a couple of different times as she was talking to some liquor vendors. Update – then just yesterday, Friday, the phone in the bar rang and I realized she was watching the bar from the cameras in the ceiling through her laptop at home. She told the bar manager to offer me another drink because it looked like I was about to run dry. I thought that was sweet. Seconds before I had joked around after she got off the phone and asked the bar manager if the phone call had been for me. Turns out it was, in a way! NB 10

Wed 3-18-2009 My Bartender, My Priestess!

Wed 3-18-2009 My Bartender, My Priestess!

Michelle, one of my favorite bartendresses (alert – new made up word) is a pretty good listener and talker, which is my retard talk for / i.e. conversationalist. I was telling her the other day about how I had a therapy appointment to go to on the evening of St. Patty’s Day. By the way, I religiously celebrate the major drinking holidays – Cinco de Mayo, Spring Break, Octoberfest, Halloween, Fat Tuesday, New Year’s Eve, etc. I told her that I hoped I wasn’t going to end up having wasted another 5 years of my life fixing a relationship that just wasn’t going to work out after all. She said she had wasted 6 years in the same fashion, so she knew what I was talking about. Maybe there is something to this. Bartenders may be the new priests or maybe they’ve always been so, and I’m just realizing it now. It doesn’t hurt that she’s got a good personality and she’s well built. She also has a good, bawdy sense of humor, which of course earns her big points with me. NB 10

Mon 3-16-2009 Play With Misti For Me!

Mon 3-16-2009 Play With Misti For Me!

Lately I’ve met a few girls named Misti / Misty. Both are very cute – good bodies, nice personalities and a pretty good sense of humor too. My dental hygienist, Misti with an I, was joking around with me quite a bit before she got down to the nitty gritty of actually cleaning my teeth. She’s a cute, athletic brunette in her late 20’s with a great smile (of course) and a very light-hearted way about her.
The other girl, Misty with a y, is a blonde with a rocking body and she’s a new bartendress (new made up word alert) at one of my favorite bars. Uncertain and tentative since she’s only worker there a week or so, but sometimes shyness is a nice trait in girls. There’s only so much, brash, ballsy behavior you can take when it’s coming from a female. While working, she dances around a little and sings along with the music in the bar. She probably just needs someone to get her out of her shell and crack her open. NB 10

Mon 3-2-2009 Do I Look Fat In This Body?

Mon 3-2-2009 Do I Look Fat In This Body?

I was at work the other day when one of my drinking buddies walks by and says, “Wow, you’ve got a big belly!” When I went back to my workstation and asked my work neighbor Eva, if I looked fat, Mary – another girl nearby, almost choked on her breakfast because she was laughing so hard. I often do that at work – say strange and ridiculous things that take my co-workers by surprise. I also spend a lot of time checking out my two female managers’ bubble butts as they wiggle their way across the workroom floor. They both wear the tight black lycra business pants that are so popular here in Phoenix. The way June Lee walks around with her ass sashaying from side to side while it’s stuffed into tight, faded jeans is something to witness. I get visions of bending her over her desk and smacking that ass. Then, watching her ass bounce while I drill into her core with her wet panties stuffed into her mouth to keep her moans from getting too loud. NB 10

Wed 3-18-2009 My Zen / Existential Moment.

Wed 3-18-2009 My Zen / Existential Moment.

Look below to the posted titled The Way We Was and in paragraph four you will see the very first quotable Zen philosophy I ever came up with (when I wasn't drunk). And I quote (myself):

"The stones in your shoes eventually become part of the path you travel down each and every day on the way to wherever it is you are going!"

To quote my hot, blonde comedienne hero, Cheslea Handler, what I've just said is "borderline amazing!" I didn't know I had it in me. Now, to commemorate this occasion, I will make this limited time offer, not available in any stores; if you are an attractive, lonely young female living in the Southwestern United States and you would like me to put some of my amazingness (-new made up word alert !!!! ) into you - and I mean deep, deep into you - I am willing to do so for a very modest fee. This does not make me a male whore. It means I am an entrepreneur. If you also happen to have low self-esteem (my fingers are crossed), I am even willing to give you a discount, without presenting any coupons.

Let's read on, now, shall we class? The following sentence that you will see below is also borderline amazing:

"Those stones become your foundation, the building blocks of your resolve that things will change – and that your life will be different."


Wow - I have to say that I am pretty impressed with myself for pouring forth these words of wisdom to feed the thirst of the ignorant masses I encounter each and every day. That was good too!! I am really on a roll - this stuff is rolling off my brain like butta as my Jewish friends say. I did it again - I need to stop myself before I reinvent the entire English language or start a religion or something.

I will finish this post today by quoting a great redheaded American - you know who are.

And she said - "You are an ass !!"

Thu 2-19-2009 The Way We Was

Thu 2-19-2009 The Way We Was

Everybody believes that the pivotal moments in their childhood or life are remembered the same way by the other people who were there. This is almost never the case. The reality is that these moments were only pivotal and defining in your own experience. They barely remember that they even happened. Their minds were elsewhere, thinking about things you never knew about or even thought of.

The kid who picked on you at summer camp and the pack of hyenas that made your high school years miserable have no recollection of those events. They were dwelling on the traumas and neuroses that turned them into such dicks in the first place. They had an alcoholic mother or abusive father, or maybe a crazy uncle who bought them lingerie or gay porn when they were 8 years old. These are their pivotal moments which haunt their existence on a daily basis. For some, the root causes are not as dramatic as this, but it’s always something if you dig down deep enough to the core problem.

Compared to their defining moments, yours are non-starters, not even in the same league. Don’t hold it against them. You are both different people than you were then, and this past that haunts you also molded you into who you are today. If there are any parts of yourself that have redeeming qualities, you might even owe them a thank you in a twisted sort of way.
Their act of being an asshole to you those many years ago turned you into a better, stronger version of yourself.

Good or bad, most experiences happen for a reason, and it takes time to figure it out. The stones in your shoes eventually become part of the path you travel down each and every day on the way to wherever it is you are going! Those stones become your foundation, the building blocks of your resolve that things will change – and that your life will be different.

Wed 3-18-2009 Quote of the Day

Wed 3-18-2009 Quote of the Day

“Beer is living proof that God loves us!” – Benjamin Franklin

Wed 3 -18-2009 Great Facts About Beer.

Wed 3 -18-2009 Great Facts About Beer.

Henceforth, let it be known:
Beer is older than wine and simpler to make.
The oldest existing written tablets (cuneiform) record the recipe for making beer.
Beer-making used to be entrusted only to priests in the ancient world.

Wed 3-18-2009 Made Up Word – “Irish Nap”

Wed 3-18-2009 Made Up Word of the Day – “Irish Nap”

Get Your Irish Down!

In honor of St. Patty’s Day, which just occurred yesterday, I offer this bit of colloquial vocabulary building: a new made up word I just came up with to celebrate this festive drinking holiday.
Irish Nap – when you walk into your bedroom after heavy drinking and hit the floor before you can make it to the bed.

Sun 3-15-2009 I Hate the Ice Cream Man!

Sun 3-15-2009 The Ides of March

Score One for Our Side
When I was younger, I developed a real dislike for the ice cream who cruised our neighborhood trying to hawk his wares at the most inopportune times. Such as 9:30 PM at night right in front of my house in the cold, in Chicago, in March. The bells ringing from his truck, playing their gay and annoying songs, used to blow me out of bed just after I had passed out from the prescription meds I used nightly as a sleep aid. You really shouldn’t agitate a groggy and generally pissed off kid with anger management issues. It’s just not a good idea.
I would get my revenge, beginning back in grammar school, with the following tactic. We had another ice cream man who would annoy us during recess in the spring months as well. You just couldn’t get away from these fucking guys. I guess in the mid-eighties, pedophilia was considered a growth enterprise. During lunch hour, we would play softball in the parking lot outside of school while the ice cream man sat there parked, playing his gay tunes over and over again. He must have thought we were 6 year olds or something instead of 13, but he was obviously a slow learner, because nobody from my school ever bought anything from his truck the whole time I was in school there.
Anyway, on a number of occasions, I would be up to bat and he would be parked at the far end of the property with his serving counter window open for business. I would always try to hit the softball through the window, aspiring to nail him in the junk. What can I say – I was a real prick as a kid. Did I mention my anger issues? I still remember with vivid fondness the day I was finally successful. I walloped the ball through the window and hit Mr. Ice Cream Man right in the leg. From across the parking lot you could hear a small voice say “Owww!”. Everyone on my team cheered my exceptional athletic ability, which is the only time in my entire life that that has ever happened. I did a victory lap around the bases “Chariots of Fire” style, clasping my arms together above from head from side to side in the tradition of Roman Gladiators. NB Zero/Freestyle.

Mon 3/9/2009 A Bad Day All Around

Mon 3-9-2009 A Bad Day All Around!!
I woke up and realized my farts smelled like brunschweiger (liver sausage) which even in its freshest state doesn’t smell too good. I looked in the mirror at work and realized I had 80’s porno hair. By noon, I was riding in my truck, it was getting warmer outside and I knew I had swampass because I could smell my own butt.
I got home finally and my cat started licking me, thinking I was too sick to clean myself. When the other cat started doing it too, I made myself a drink. I didn’t know I had mixed prune juice and vodka until I spent all afternoon in the bathroom. My girlfriend came home just long enough to break up with me before going to Cabo with her company-owning boyfriend Mitchell. What a whirlwind!!

A Short Sip of Hot Chocolate!

Sun 3-8-2009
A Short Sip of Hot Chocolate!
My therapist is a petite, young, African-American hottie! She usually wears skintight jeans, tight tops and leather boots for our sessions. Her ensemble always accentuates her curves very well and makes me wish she’d let me delve deeper into our relationship. Her breasts usually seem to overpower the elastic qualities of the tops she’s wearing and they are very mouthwatering to look at. Her sexy, baby-bearing hips support her generous, well-rounded backside but she’s also in very good shape. Her short hair framer her face nicely and lets me focus on her sparkling eyes and full, pouty lips.
Needless to say, I find myself having to shift in my chair pretty often since my dick is hard the whole time and I keep thinking about how juicy and fragrant her pussy must get when it’s being licked. I wonder if she needs some whipped cream in her hot chocolate, and the sounds she would make when she’s coming. NB 11

The Cornish Pasty Company !

Sun 3-8-2009
The Cornish Pasty Company !
I’m in heaven. Just a few blocks from my house is a restaurant slash bar that is designed in the working class or utilitarian style I like so much. It has subway tiles and stools supported by lengths of plumbing pipe at the bar area. On the walls are pictures of Cornish miners from the early 20th century. Some of the tables have chairs on one side and church pews on the other. The tables across from the bar are made of old wooden doors cut in half and covered with plexi-glass to create the flat eating surface. On the tables are green wine bottles covered with white wax from the tapers which have been dripping wax down them over time.
On draft, they have the beer I drank the whole time I was in the south of France last fall. Kronenbourg 1664 – delicious. They also have assorted microbrews from all over the place, as well as a smoking patio. The food is really pretty good! Greek salad, Italian pasty, Porky pasty, Royale with cheese, Philly cheesesteak pasty. I could go on and on, but you really need to try it for yourself. This one is on Dobson, just south of Guadelupe, but they have a Tempe location just off of University. From what I’ve heard, the new Mesa location is a little more roomy. NB 11

Meat and Potatoes or Meat and Meat ?

Sun 3-8-2009
Meat and Potatoes or Meat and Meat ?
Why do I love grilled steak so much? When I smell steak grilling on someone’s backyard BBQ on a Friday or Saturday afternoon and I recognize the delicious smell of Yoshida’s teriyaki marinade sizzling over a flame, I’m like Pavlov’s dog. My mouth starts watering and I begin having the urge to grunt like a caveman and shove charbroiled rib-eye into my gullet by the forkful. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but any girl can lure a guy into her bedroom for some lickety split just by doing one of two things. Attach freshly grilled steak to a string and drag it in front of his nose or tell him there’s a special beer cooler in the bedroom closet. NB 11

Sun 3-8-2009 Where is the Klepto-bismol?

Sun 3-8-2009
Where is the Klepto-bismol?
I recently realized that I have a problem. I like pens- specifically I like stealing other people’s pens everywhere I go. I took one from my college registration office, two from another office, two from the U-haul rental place and I was disappointed with myself for not snagging one from my therapist’s office. On the other side, people at work have been stealing my pens away from me for months now. I get tired of replacing them, since the good ones get stolen and I don’t want to bring any more good ones from home. So I get stuck using crappy ones. As of now I’m still on the hunt for the best pen I can steal. NB 11

3-6-2009 I need a what ??

Fri 3-6-2009 What’s In a Name ?

I was making my rounds today and happened to make a delivery to a decent looking young women. What’s the problem you say ? Her name was Anita Puta ! For reals, y’all !!

Sat 2-21-2009 Arrogance is a Trained Phenomenon !

Sat 2-21-2009 Arrogance is a Trained Phenomenon !

It’s hard to transcend the arrogance and hubris that you’ve been trained to embody. Most people can’t throw off the mantle of entitlement that they’ve been convinced is theirs to claim. It has become part of who they are and been intertwined with their core identity. This is the point at which you run the risk of venturing into a treacherous, much despised place called “The Republic of Douchebagerie”. Most people don’t realize the exact moment when they’ve crossed the border and only gain perspective on it when using hindsight some time later.