Sun 2-1-2009 Super MILF 43 !!
I am at my cousin’s house watching the big game and I realize that all of her friends are good looking MILFs in their 30’s and early 40’s. They all have infants or toddlers running around the place and most of them are wearing very tight jeans and fitted tops. Also – pretty much everyone of them is a brunette – yummy !! Ding – I just made up a new word, mommery. Here we go !! So, I’m getting an eyeful of this mommery of hotness so I have fodder for later fantasies, when I find out that one of the girls is a cop. A motorcycle cop, no less !! Anyone who knows me can see that I truly appreciate a girl in uniform and Chandler has a couple of hotties with guns on their hips. I just saw the one who lives in my area doing her thing at a scene yesterday. Eventually, most of the MILFs realize I’m undressing them with my eyes and they scamper off to their husbands. Their husbands seem to realize their wives are power-MILFs so I’m guessing that the girls are the ones who earn more and the guys stay home. A few of the husbands are wearing baby carriers on their chests the whole time the game is going on and I begin to wonder if they breast feed their kids when no one is looking.
I have nothing against stay-at-home dads. In fact, I think it would be great seeing as I grew up without a father at all. I would handle it like a club, though. A couple times a week, I would get together with other dads and watch sports or movies and then at least once a month, we would invite some local talent from Babe’s or Christie’s to come by for entertainment. I was telling this to one of the MILFies and I said we would call someone Buckwheat or Alfalfa and I would be Spanky – just like in the old Our Gang show from the 1940’s.
She asked me why I would call myself Spanky and I said that’s a story for another time. When the “girltreat” or stripper was done with her little show, we would take up a collection from the dads until we had enough to entice her into a nice afternoon pass around so that all the sexually frustrated fathers could download into our guest professional hottie. Like all good stories, this one ends with a bang.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
1-25-2009 Definition of the Day
Sun 1-25-2009 Ben-cyclopedia Definition of the Day
Slutty girl – a girl who is confident enough in herself as a person to embrace her own sexuality, enjoy herself in bed, and ask for the things she wants from her partner. This is basically the same thing as WFW which stands for Well-Fucked Woman. Meaning a woman who embraces and even revels in her life as a sexual being and feels fulfilled and empowered by it.
Slutty girl – a girl who is confident enough in herself as a person to embrace her own sexuality, enjoy herself in bed, and ask for the things she wants from her partner. This is basically the same thing as WFW which stands for Well-Fucked Woman. Meaning a woman who embraces and even revels in her life as a sexual being and feels fulfilled and empowered by it.
1-23-2009 One Stepford Wife, Please !!
1-23-2009 One Stepford Wife, Please !!
So last week, a number of my peeps from work were at my friend Merita’s house watching the game. She started telling one of the guys there how her stepfather was a polygamist and how she had 58 siblings in her family. Then she said that’s probably why she likes the man in her life to tell her what to do, where to go and basically control everything in her life. She’s a follower and looks for that firm hand on her backside to tell her everything she needs to do and be.
So Ricky, one of the guys, asked her where she hangs out, because he said, “I definitely need to meet a girl like you!” I agree wholeheartedly because as much as I agree with women being independent in mind and body, there is a point at which a certain amount of control and stability can feel like the warmth of a snuggie wrapped around you, a security blanket of sorts.
Many girls today are a little reticent to admit this fact, but some girls still need the strong guidance and direction of the “Man In the Gray Flannel Suit” – the stereotype of the husband from the 1950’s who controlled everything and made all of the decisions for his girl. Of course, during the 50’s half of all the men had visited a prostitute at some point, so it wasn’t really the pure and idyllic era we’ve come to believe. Today having a strong male figure around can come in handy when your ex-boyfriend continues to stalk you weeks after you told him to take a hike. Ain’t love grand ??
So last week, a number of my peeps from work were at my friend Merita’s house watching the game. She started telling one of the guys there how her stepfather was a polygamist and how she had 58 siblings in her family. Then she said that’s probably why she likes the man in her life to tell her what to do, where to go and basically control everything in her life. She’s a follower and looks for that firm hand on her backside to tell her everything she needs to do and be.
So Ricky, one of the guys, asked her where she hangs out, because he said, “I definitely need to meet a girl like you!” I agree wholeheartedly because as much as I agree with women being independent in mind and body, there is a point at which a certain amount of control and stability can feel like the warmth of a snuggie wrapped around you, a security blanket of sorts.
Many girls today are a little reticent to admit this fact, but some girls still need the strong guidance and direction of the “Man In the Gray Flannel Suit” – the stereotype of the husband from the 1950’s who controlled everything and made all of the decisions for his girl. Of course, during the 50’s half of all the men had visited a prostitute at some point, so it wasn’t really the pure and idyllic era we’ve come to believe. Today having a strong male figure around can come in handy when your ex-boyfriend continues to stalk you weeks after you told him to take a hike. Ain’t love grand ??
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Sun 2-8-2009 Legacy - What Is It??
Pictures, and the lives captured in them, are our fingerprints on time - the indelible mark we leave on those who knew us and the world we walked through. It may be the only true legacy there is for us. It's not what we take with us , what dies when we do that matters, it's the infinite little fingers and pinpricks of influence that we leave behind.... and the trails they create in the future.
Sun 2-1-2009 Happy Deuce Giving Day
Sun 2-1-2009 Happy Deuce Giving Day
So this past Thanksgiving, I was at my brother in law’s house up in Anthem and we had arrived shortly before when I realized I needed to whiz. I go into the bathroom and lo and behold what do I see? Somebody dropped a major dump in the toilet and didn’t flush. This instantly made my mind flashback to David Sedaris and his story Big Boy about being at a party with several friends and going into a bathroom where someone dropped a major bum snake and didn’t flush it down. Hilarity ensues when Sedaris tries to flush it but it won’t cooperate because it is simply too massive to fit down the pipes. So he… (you’ll have to buy the book – I’m not a spoiler).
Of course, this wacky of a situation is worthless if you don’t share it, so I texted my friend Nano. She texted me back – “Ooh, party fowl!” She always has funny things to add and also enjoys fifth grade humor almost as much as I do.
So this past Thanksgiving, I was at my brother in law’s house up in Anthem and we had arrived shortly before when I realized I needed to whiz. I go into the bathroom and lo and behold what do I see? Somebody dropped a major dump in the toilet and didn’t flush. This instantly made my mind flashback to David Sedaris and his story Big Boy about being at a party with several friends and going into a bathroom where someone dropped a major bum snake and didn’t flush it down. Hilarity ensues when Sedaris tries to flush it but it won’t cooperate because it is simply too massive to fit down the pipes. So he… (you’ll have to buy the book – I’m not a spoiler).
Of course, this wacky of a situation is worthless if you don’t share it, so I texted my friend Nano. She texted me back – “Ooh, party fowl!” She always has funny things to add and also enjoys fifth grade humor almost as much as I do.
2-8-2009 My Grammy Nominations!
Grammy Nominations
Kid Rock- I Was Born in Shamwow
Carrie Underwood - He Banged Me Like a Barn Door (cause I'm a Barn whore)
Sugarland - I Got Drunk and Slept with My Cousin Again!
Coldplay- Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club of Gay-dom
Miley Cyrus - I Only Do Drugs When My Homework's Done!
Kid Rock- I Was Born in Shamwow
Carrie Underwood - He Banged Me Like a Barn Door (cause I'm a Barn whore)
Sugarland - I Got Drunk and Slept with My Cousin Again!
Coldplay- Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club of Gay-dom
Miley Cyrus - I Only Do Drugs When My Homework's Done!
2-7-2009 My Friend the Churchie Fucker.
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Are those my nuts in your cheeks or are you just happy to see me ??
Sat 2-7-2009 Are those my nuts in your cheeks or are you just happy to see me ??
As an homage to the guy who got his penis bitten by a raccoon, I offer this:
My friends say it is unnatural for me to cruise the national parks and forests looking for furry little creatures to bang, but I am quick to point out to them – Hey if they aren’t wearing any clothes they’re just asking for it! They’re the ones putting out the vibe. I am a little nervous when I go into the woods these days, though. I keep expecting Chris Hansen to jump out from behind an evergreen with a microphone and camera crew, asking: “What are you doing in the forest this time of day?”
Now, in my defense, I don’t go for just any type. I won’t do wolverines, jackrabbits or badgers. A guys got to have standards. My type is attractively furred individuals with low self-esteem. Such as a groundhog, a squirrel or a chipmunk. Chipmunks are a little like the Asian hookers of the woodlands. When you’re having sex with them, it really makes you feel like your equipment is huge. The squealing and begging for mercy doesn’t hurt, either.
Instead of cash on the dresser, though, I always make sure I leave some acorns or other treats at the base of a nearby tree. This is my way of saying thanks. I am, after all, a former member of the Ranger Rick Club.
As an homage to the guy who got his penis bitten by a raccoon, I offer this:
My friends say it is unnatural for me to cruise the national parks and forests looking for furry little creatures to bang, but I am quick to point out to them – Hey if they aren’t wearing any clothes they’re just asking for it! They’re the ones putting out the vibe. I am a little nervous when I go into the woods these days, though. I keep expecting Chris Hansen to jump out from behind an evergreen with a microphone and camera crew, asking: “What are you doing in the forest this time of day?”
Now, in my defense, I don’t go for just any type. I won’t do wolverines, jackrabbits or badgers. A guys got to have standards. My type is attractively furred individuals with low self-esteem. Such as a groundhog, a squirrel or a chipmunk. Chipmunks are a little like the Asian hookers of the woodlands. When you’re having sex with them, it really makes you feel like your equipment is huge. The squealing and begging for mercy doesn’t hurt, either.
Instead of cash on the dresser, though, I always make sure I leave some acorns or other treats at the base of a nearby tree. This is my way of saying thanks. I am, after all, a former member of the Ranger Rick Club.
Thu 2-5-2009 My Hillbilly Neighbors
Thu 2-5-2009 My Hillbilly Neighbors
The good thing about living in my exclusive enclave is the endless yard sales, the cars up on blocks and the boats for sale in front of the houses. Also – none of them have decided to pursue means of earning income that doesn’t involve pulling nails out of boards or starting up power grinders at 5:30 AM right next to my bedroom window. Some would say this is the case because of the recession, but my neighbors have been carrying on this way for the past 2 years. The only upside I’ve discovered so far is the fact that, during the summer the young wives and girlfriends start wearing daisy duke shorts with their asscheeks half out and bright neon bikini tops barely covering their blossoming bossoms. Especially true when the girls jump up and down in excitement as they are going to the lake so they can hang out on the boat to get drunk and slutty.
You’ve never seen such free spirits as a couple of country girls full of cocktails and horniness, looking for someone to mount them. Mix in a southern accent and I’m a goner. It’s a fact – country girls know things the city girls don’t. Things like how to get ridden like a farm animal while howling your lungs out with the light of a full moon shining on the hay loft. Or getting down in the swimming hole without letting on to your young cousins who are a mere 30 feet away. Add some whiskey or rum to any of these scenarios and you have a sure fire recipe for some fun. Yeehaw !!!
The good thing about living in my exclusive enclave is the endless yard sales, the cars up on blocks and the boats for sale in front of the houses. Also – none of them have decided to pursue means of earning income that doesn’t involve pulling nails out of boards or starting up power grinders at 5:30 AM right next to my bedroom window. Some would say this is the case because of the recession, but my neighbors have been carrying on this way for the past 2 years. The only upside I’ve discovered so far is the fact that, during the summer the young wives and girlfriends start wearing daisy duke shorts with their asscheeks half out and bright neon bikini tops barely covering their blossoming bossoms. Especially true when the girls jump up and down in excitement as they are going to the lake so they can hang out on the boat to get drunk and slutty.
You’ve never seen such free spirits as a couple of country girls full of cocktails and horniness, looking for someone to mount them. Mix in a southern accent and I’m a goner. It’s a fact – country girls know things the city girls don’t. Things like how to get ridden like a farm animal while howling your lungs out with the light of a full moon shining on the hay loft. Or getting down in the swimming hole without letting on to your young cousins who are a mere 30 feet away. Add some whiskey or rum to any of these scenarios and you have a sure fire recipe for some fun. Yeehaw !!!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Sun 2-1-2009 Quote of the Day
Sun 2-1-2009 Quote of the Day
“…NEITHER SNOW, NOR RAIN, NOR HEAT, NOR GLOOM OF NIGHT STAYS THESE COURIERS FROM THE SWIFT COMPLETION OF THEIR APPOINTED ROUNDS.” - HERODOTUS
“…NEITHER SNOW, NOR RAIN, NOR HEAT, NOR GLOOM OF NIGHT STAYS THESE COURIERS FROM THE SWIFT COMPLETION OF THEIR APPOINTED ROUNDS.” - HERODOTUS
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