Sun 1-25-2009 The Meaning of Life
Many people seem to be confused by this concept. Without realizing it, they may have already learned part of it when they were kids, from a cartoon animal no less. Smokey the Bear told us that “only you can prevent forest fires”. He also said that we should leave the forest “better off than we found it” by picking up litter, cans, etc. Think of life and the world as a forest and you have a major part of the meaning of life already ingrained in your consciousness.
Another salient point is that unlike animals, we don’t have to operate from instinct alone. We have the ability to make choices and changes in our lives in an attempt to be happy. Our Founding Fathers thought it was pretty important to mention the fact that as human beings, we have a right to the “pursuit of happiness.”
If you can do both of these at the same time you’re most of the way there to the embodiment of the meaning of life. Pursue activities and relationships that you believe will make you happy and do what you can to leave the world a little better than it was when you came into it.
Another ideal you might follow is found in the Hypocratic Oath that professionals take when they become doctors. They promise to “first, do no harm” then to try and help. If you can manage to be happy and helpful while doing no harm, you’re well down the trail while other people will still be puzzling over the map and checking their pockets for a compass.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
1-16-2009 Fresh New Book Learnin !!
1-16-2009 Ben-cyclopedia Word of the Day – Gaytriotic
Something so over the top with cheesy ra-ra themes to inspire the lemmings or huddled masses, that it’s just insulting and downright gay.
Word of the Day – Mangina
Also known as boy parts or man-womb. Basically, this is your junk area for guys, especially your ball sack. This is usually said to a guy who is being super douche or overly thenthitive and talking too much about his feelings.
Hero of the Day – Barney Stinson
One of the most BRR-oic guys alive. He is a hero to all bro-kind, as well as to women and children, sometimes. But mostly, he is a hero to guys who wish they too could benefit from meeting droves of heavy-drinking low self-esteemed females with daddy issues. He is to be emulated in every way possible – except for the high pitched talking.
Something so over the top with cheesy ra-ra themes to inspire the lemmings or huddled masses, that it’s just insulting and downright gay.
Word of the Day – Mangina
Also known as boy parts or man-womb. Basically, this is your junk area for guys, especially your ball sack. This is usually said to a guy who is being super douche or overly thenthitive and talking too much about his feelings.
Hero of the Day – Barney Stinson
One of the most BRR-oic guys alive. He is a hero to all bro-kind, as well as to women and children, sometimes. But mostly, he is a hero to guys who wish they too could benefit from meeting droves of heavy-drinking low self-esteemed females with daddy issues. He is to be emulated in every way possible – except for the high pitched talking.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
1-24-2009 Ben-cyclopedia Phrase of the Day
The Disposable Job.
The disposable job is what allows you to do what’s important to you on a personal level and hopefully to be able to do it on a regular basis. It means something simple that doesn’t take a lot of brainpower but allows you to interact with other people and maintain some kind of social environment that you dwell in. This is often suggested as a good option for those coming out of a substance abuse or 12 step treatment program so they can get re-integrated into society without an undue amount of stress while they are making the transition. (From Sober House, a show on VH1 with Dr. Drew Pinsky)
The disposable job is what allows you to do what’s important to you on a personal level and hopefully to be able to do it on a regular basis. It means something simple that doesn’t take a lot of brainpower but allows you to interact with other people and maintain some kind of social environment that you dwell in. This is often suggested as a good option for those coming out of a substance abuse or 12 step treatment program so they can get re-integrated into society without an undue amount of stress while they are making the transition. (From Sober House, a show on VH1 with Dr. Drew Pinsky)
1-24-2009 Why I Like Cougars Alot !!
Why I Like Cougars Alot !!
Not so long ago, I was reading an article in Details or Esquire about Mandingo parties wherein well-hung black studs service middle-aged white professional women, sometimes more than one at a time.
One of the guys there said he liked fucking older women because younger, hotter girls think that fire shoots out of their pussy and they are basically very full of themselves. I’ve found this to be true myself. I was drinking at a bar used by the college kids at the nearby university and a young girl sidled up to me at the bar and said “I’ll let you buy me a drink!” I stared at her for a second in disbelief – she really wasn’t that hot, just young and blonde.
I regained my wit after a second and came back with “ maybe you should buy me one !” She looked like I had just spit on her face and called her a dirty little whore in front of everyone. She wandered off with a faceful – of confusion and disbelief.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have cougars. I like cougars quite a bit because they don’t have to play games to get what they want. They know what appeals to them and they go after it, like a predator (the good kind). Also, years of experience means they know how to have a good time. When they’re done with you and temporarily sated in their carnal requirements, they give you a pat on the ass and send you on your way – with a smile.
Not so long ago, I was reading an article in Details or Esquire about Mandingo parties wherein well-hung black studs service middle-aged white professional women, sometimes more than one at a time.
One of the guys there said he liked fucking older women because younger, hotter girls think that fire shoots out of their pussy and they are basically very full of themselves. I’ve found this to be true myself. I was drinking at a bar used by the college kids at the nearby university and a young girl sidled up to me at the bar and said “I’ll let you buy me a drink!” I stared at her for a second in disbelief – she really wasn’t that hot, just young and blonde.
I regained my wit after a second and came back with “ maybe you should buy me one !” She looked like I had just spit on her face and called her a dirty little whore in front of everyone. She wandered off with a faceful – of confusion and disbelief.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have cougars. I like cougars quite a bit because they don’t have to play games to get what they want. They know what appeals to them and they go after it, like a predator (the good kind). Also, years of experience means they know how to have a good time. When they’re done with you and temporarily sated in their carnal requirements, they give you a pat on the ass and send you on your way – with a smile.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Fri 1-23-2009 A Friend in Need…
Fri 1-23-2009 A Friend in Need…
Some people think that their friends will always come through for them no matter what they need and maybe they’re right. I’ve been wanting to have that kind of friend I could call at any time of the day or night just to talk when things were going shitty. I haven’t found that kind of friend even after 37 years of being alive. I’ve BEEN the friend that people call at 3 AM, but not found one for myself. Maybe my expectations are a little too high even though my overall hopes and dreams for life are pretty reasonable. I want friends to laugh with in good times and bad – someone to celebrate the pivotal moments in life with – like cracking open the first cherry beer in a brand new 24 pack.
Later…..
Grand Taurino
I discovered a wonderful thing – Taurino beer from El Salvador. I got two 18 packs of cans from Fresh N Easy for $7.99 each, and this when an 18 pack of Bud Light cans costs $13.99 on sale. Vat a bargain!
Also – Taurino means “bull”, which has multiple correlations to my life. I’m a Taurus astrological sign – “the bull”. Also, people used to call me “Benny the Bull” after the Chicago Bulls mascot. I follow the stock market as well, and I’m usually a “bull” or optimist, thinking the market is long term going to go up, instead of being a “bear” or pessimist. Taurino – it’s magic in a can, and cheap. You’re welcome !!
Some people think that their friends will always come through for them no matter what they need and maybe they’re right. I’ve been wanting to have that kind of friend I could call at any time of the day or night just to talk when things were going shitty. I haven’t found that kind of friend even after 37 years of being alive. I’ve BEEN the friend that people call at 3 AM, but not found one for myself. Maybe my expectations are a little too high even though my overall hopes and dreams for life are pretty reasonable. I want friends to laugh with in good times and bad – someone to celebrate the pivotal moments in life with – like cracking open the first cherry beer in a brand new 24 pack.
Later…..
Grand Taurino
I discovered a wonderful thing – Taurino beer from El Salvador. I got two 18 packs of cans from Fresh N Easy for $7.99 each, and this when an 18 pack of Bud Light cans costs $13.99 on sale. Vat a bargain!
Also – Taurino means “bull”, which has multiple correlations to my life. I’m a Taurus astrological sign – “the bull”. Also, people used to call me “Benny the Bull” after the Chicago Bulls mascot. I follow the stock market as well, and I’m usually a “bull” or optimist, thinking the market is long term going to go up, instead of being a “bear” or pessimist. Taurino – it’s magic in a can, and cheap. You’re welcome !!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Poem/song 1-15-2009 Eulogy to a Dead Man.
We Miss You, Fucker !
We miss you, fucker, everyday,
Me and the gang always say,
We know what you meant when you said you were done,
We never knew your pain’d make you eat that gun.
Things were bad, they’d gotten worse,
But never bad enough to call the hearse.
Me and the gang hold vigil every day,
We sit here and talk and drink and pray.
Sometimes we cry and bitch and moan,
the only problems you solved were your own.
Cause me and the gang, I’ll have you know,
Are still paying what you owe.
What we didn’t do or think or say,
That would’ve let you find a way,
To be here with us on this fine day,
So me and the gang – still we pay.
We miss you, fucker, everyday,
Me and the gang always say,
We know what you meant when you said you were done,
We never knew your pain’d make you eat that gun.
Things were bad, they’d gotten worse,
But never bad enough to call the hearse.
Me and the gang hold vigil every day,
We sit here and talk and drink and pray.
Sometimes we cry and bitch and moan,
the only problems you solved were your own.
Cause me and the gang, I’ll have you know,
Are still paying what you owe.
What we didn’t do or think or say,
That would’ve let you find a way,
To be here with us on this fine day,
So me and the gang – still we pay.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Thu 1-22-2009 Go Back !
I just remembered why I don’t go to class reunions – not for grammar school, (yes, they had one), high school or even college. It’s like that scene in Say Anything where Ione Skye is doing her valedictorian speech and she’s telling them not tp progress in their lives or to forge ahead into the future. She tells the kids to “go back” because they are just ending one of the best, most positive times in their lives. From here on out, life gets infinitely more complicated and gritty. So they should go back since what’s ahead is less gratifying than the now. She means it as a joke, but all you hear is crickets at the end.
When I think of reunions, I think of people who used to be friends trying to outdo each other with their impressive careers, their expensive houses and cars, their beautiful and sexy trophy wives and their lavish lifestyles, usually built on a foundation of bullshit and self-loathing.
The most disturbing thing to me is that these images make me think of a group of words that saddens me deeply. The words “might have been” scare the crap out of me and depress me because it means someone abandoned that part of themselves, their best, truest self and threw it away so they could buy into someone else’s dream. They molded themselves in the image of someone else’s idea of success and left behind their own aspirations to become one more in the endless sea of lemmings clawing their way toward the abyss.
These people might have been great as something ordinary. Instead, they chose to be ordinary in a world someone said was great. They put more faith in another’s vision than in their own – and that’s where the road less traveled branches off deep in the forest. I wish they would “go back” and choose the right path this time. That would be their best chance at real happiness.
When I think of reunions, I think of people who used to be friends trying to outdo each other with their impressive careers, their expensive houses and cars, their beautiful and sexy trophy wives and their lavish lifestyles, usually built on a foundation of bullshit and self-loathing.
The most disturbing thing to me is that these images make me think of a group of words that saddens me deeply. The words “might have been” scare the crap out of me and depress me because it means someone abandoned that part of themselves, their best, truest self and threw it away so they could buy into someone else’s dream. They molded themselves in the image of someone else’s idea of success and left behind their own aspirations to become one more in the endless sea of lemmings clawing their way toward the abyss.
These people might have been great as something ordinary. Instead, they chose to be ordinary in a world someone said was great. They put more faith in another’s vision than in their own – and that’s where the road less traveled branches off deep in the forest. I wish they would “go back” and choose the right path this time. That would be their best chance at real happiness.
1-19-2009 Phrase of the day.
Mon 1-19-2009 Ben-cyclopedia phrase of the day definition:
“Running her out” – refers to a woman’s vaginal anatomy in terms of an airport hanger and a man’s genital anatomy or his manhood as the plane as they are having sex. When she runs out of hanger before he runs out of plane, that’s when she’s run out. There’s not enough space inside the girl he’s fucking for the entire length of his cock, he still has inches of cock left outside her when she’s run out of space in her pussy to put it.
“Running her out” – refers to a woman’s vaginal anatomy in terms of an airport hanger and a man’s genital anatomy or his manhood as the plane as they are having sex. When she runs out of hanger before he runs out of plane, that’s when she’s run out. There’s not enough space inside the girl he’s fucking for the entire length of his cock, he still has inches of cock left outside her when she’s run out of space in her pussy to put it.
Sat 1-17-2009 The Republic of Douchbagerie !
The definition of a douchebag is someone who is so full of themselves and of their own bullshit that they are completely unaware of anything or anyone but themselves. It is narcissism taken to a new and ridiculous level. Typically, it also involves them buying in lock, stock and both smoking barrels to whatever fashion craze is hot at the moment – i.e. from the show “The Hills” etc. See the song “I’m A Big Douche at the Scottsdale Bars.” Especially indicative is the current trend of wearing designer jeans with designer t-shirts and having the t-shirt tucked in just over the belt buckle area. Just yesterday, I saw a very douche bumper sticker. It said: “I Like Me !” No shit, huh.
Who cares if you like you, and why do you feel compelled to advertise the fact ? I don’t like you already based on the admittedly shallow criteria of your dumbass bumper sticker.
I never really thought women could be douchebags. I pretty much thought this was an honor reserved basically for dudes until I saw the movie “Role Models.” The chick that runs the Sturdy Wings program acts pretty douche ona number of different occasions, with all her exaggerated opinionations. Yeah – I just made that up – magical isn’t it ?? Sorry that was a little douche-esque. There I go again, inventing words. As my little friend Ms. Nano would say – it not really a word until it gains gription in the language. Gription is her made up word which melds friction with gripping power.
Who cares if you like you, and why do you feel compelled to advertise the fact ? I don’t like you already based on the admittedly shallow criteria of your dumbass bumper sticker.
I never really thought women could be douchebags. I pretty much thought this was an honor reserved basically for dudes until I saw the movie “Role Models.” The chick that runs the Sturdy Wings program acts pretty douche ona number of different occasions, with all her exaggerated opinionations. Yeah – I just made that up – magical isn’t it ?? Sorry that was a little douche-esque. There I go again, inventing words. As my little friend Ms. Nano would say – it not really a word until it gains gription in the language. Gription is her made up word which melds friction with gripping power.
1-15-2009 Alibi ? - No My Husband's Name is Bob !
I don’t think anything my girl has ever said has gotten me more turned on than when she said that if the cops came looking for me, she would do or say anything I wanted to cover for me. At first I called bullshit on her and said no you wouldn’t – if I did something fucked and the cops came calling, you’d be so pissed at me that you’d narc me out right away. I really didn’t believe her at first, even though most girls who actually like their guys probably would lie for them.
I have trust issues with women, this is a pretty well known fact. I’ve known quite a few girls in my time who didn’t deserve to be trusted and also quite a few who were just downright fucking c-razy. Like James Brown says in that song – “I don’t know karate, but I know ca-razy !!” The idea that Mrs. Goody Two Shoes would cover for me was pretty intriguing and it really made my dick hard – what a shocker.
I also get turned on when a girl is mad at me or looks good in her uniform, but maybe that a story for another time. This is an official shout-out to those good looking female cops of Chandler, AZ I’ve driven past in the last few weeks, the blondes and the brunette(s) – you know who you are !
I have trust issues with women, this is a pretty well known fact. I’ve known quite a few girls in my time who didn’t deserve to be trusted and also quite a few who were just downright fucking c-razy. Like James Brown says in that song – “I don’t know karate, but I know ca-razy !!” The idea that Mrs. Goody Two Shoes would cover for me was pretty intriguing and it really made my dick hard – what a shocker.
I also get turned on when a girl is mad at me or looks good in her uniform, but maybe that a story for another time. This is an official shout-out to those good looking female cops of Chandler, AZ I’ve driven past in the last few weeks, the blondes and the brunette(s) – you know who you are !
Friday, January 16, 2009
1-15-2009 later.. Sin Therapy.
Went to therapy yesterday and my girl said that she hopes to help me have answers to my therapy questions (the reason I'm there is a search for answers of sorts) in the next three months. This is good news - to have a deadline on progressing towards something, especially when I feel like I've been drifting for so long. She also said that at 37, I'm way too young to be giving up on the kind of sex life that I could possibly have. We talked about the different types of sex (date night sex, quickies, etc) that people in a relationship have available to them. I had to agre on some level - 37's not that old really, I guess.
Just a few days ago, I was buying an 18 pack of Taurino, a nice, cheap El Salvadoran beer, and the checkout lady carded me. She looked at my ID and back at me several times, then told me I looked more like 24 than 37. Why is it I ask you that when I'm in a store I always see the best looking women, but they're always with their husband or I'm with my girl. What's up with that!
I'd like to test myself sometime and see if I actually have the courage to talk to a girl I don't know.
At the Circle K yesterday, there was a hot little brunette, kind of tall, on the thin side, with one side of her bangs hanging over her face. She was with her boy and they were in front of me at the cash register. As she turned to leave the store, she looked me over for a second before leaving. Cute, very cute. I only wonder what kind of baggage might come with that cute little face.
Just a few days ago, I was buying an 18 pack of Taurino, a nice, cheap El Salvadoran beer, and the checkout lady carded me. She looked at my ID and back at me several times, then told me I looked more like 24 than 37. Why is it I ask you that when I'm in a store I always see the best looking women, but they're always with their husband or I'm with my girl. What's up with that!
I'd like to test myself sometime and see if I actually have the courage to talk to a girl I don't know.
At the Circle K yesterday, there was a hot little brunette, kind of tall, on the thin side, with one side of her bangs hanging over her face. She was with her boy and they were in front of me at the cash register. As she turned to leave the store, she looked me over for a second before leaving. Cute, very cute. I only wonder what kind of baggage might come with that cute little face.
1-15-2009 The Double-Skinny Trailer Park Girl.
I once was the driver on a delivery route for a trailer park. Every time I was there the same young Russian woman was in the green belt by the common area pool. She would always smile and look like she wanted to say something. I guess guys aren't the only ones who get shy around people they don't know. I imagined myself going back with her to the trailer and getting turned on by the mundane, bargain basement decor inside - everything utilitarian. The everyman aspect of her environment (real salt of the Earth) made me think of cute farm animals sweating and humping each other and making babies.
1-14-2009 later still... Cougar-ific !!
Just a few weeks ago, I happened to go shopping on a Sunday morning because I was out of creamer for my coffee. I kept seeing the same good looking brunette in her spandex workout clothes as I made my way through. We nodded and smiled to each other as we seemed to pass and bump our way through several different aisles. She wore black boy shorts and a V-neck wifebeater T-shirt, also black. She was flushed and a little sweaty, having just come from her morning pilates class. We made eye contact repeatedly as we nudged each other out of way and fought over the last box of oyster crackers, which are great with chili. She seemed a little shy and embarrassed. I wasn't sure if this was because I was a decade younger than her or because she was attached and shouldn't be looking at other guys. Ah, well !! The cougar growls again.
1-14-2009 later.. Money Can't Buy You Muff !
People have known for a long time that money is an aphrodisiac. Just ask any middle-aged businessman with a twenty-something girlfriend. As Willie Nelson once said (allegedly): "Nothing makes women horny like lots of cash."
That's why when I'm feeling particularly frisky I go shopping at my local grocery store with a huge wad of cash in my pocket. I don't pay with it - it just gives me confidence knowing it's there. This huge wad of cash totals less than forty bucks, cause it's all singles I got when I cashed in my piggy bank at the grocery coin counting machine the day before. Still, as I wander through the aisles, I see myself in a large suburban home leaving a trail of dollar bills up the stairs to the master suite as the horny, sexually frustrated lady of the house follows behind me - picking up those dirty, decadent dollar bills in her mouth one at a time, slobbering on them all in her desperate anticipation of what's to come.
That's why when I'm feeling particularly frisky I go shopping at my local grocery store with a huge wad of cash in my pocket. I don't pay with it - it just gives me confidence knowing it's there. This huge wad of cash totals less than forty bucks, cause it's all singles I got when I cashed in my piggy bank at the grocery coin counting machine the day before. Still, as I wander through the aisles, I see myself in a large suburban home leaving a trail of dollar bills up the stairs to the master suite as the horny, sexually frustrated lady of the house follows behind me - picking up those dirty, decadent dollar bills in her mouth one at a time, slobbering on them all in her desperate anticipation of what's to come.
1-14-2009 Talk to me Money Honey !
I have a strange ritual that I perform on workdays when I'm horny - which is pretty regularly. I watch CNBC or FBN with Rebecca Daimond, Maria Bartiromo and the other money honies and I put the play button on slow motion on my DVR remote. When the girls are talking into the camera, their lips are moving very slowly. In my sex-addled brain, I imagine to myself that those slowly moving lips are talking dirty to me - strange, random things like - "as soon as I'm done with this segment, I want you behind me doggystyle. I want you to fuck me like I'm a bitch in heat!" If it's Maria I'm watching it's something a little more cougar-like, such as - "hey, little boy - if you make me come more than three times, I'll give you some really good stock tips."
1-16-2009 Important Disclaimer
The stories contained in this blog have been dramatized for the written word. All events, characters, locales, scenarios and debaucheries detailed herein may or may not sound familiar or be factual, depending on my mood at the time I wrote it. Any visuals conjured up in your brain fluid which resemble videos from Internet porn are purely coincidental. In my defense, all I can say is that a chemical imbalance in the brain is a terrible thing to waste.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
When the Zombies Come 1 13 2009
Tuesday 1/13/2009
-My friend Kelli and I have a question we ask our friends when we are sitting around shooting the shit. Here's the question: Where are you gonna go when the zombies come?
My own answer is the product of seeing pretty much every zombie movie ever made by the time I was in 8th grade. My friends and I watched American zombie movies, Mexican ones, Italian ones and Phillipino zombie movies. Some were scary, some were disgusting and others just downright gratuitous.
So here's my answer. I would hole up at the nearest Walmart superstore that I knew sold guns and had plenty of ammunition, food and water on hand. And first aid supplies of course.
Kelli's answer is Costco. It's big, roomy, has camping supplies, food, water and auto repair items.
She and I agree that at some point a mutated virus or bio-weapon will be released among the general population. Just like in the movie Resident Evil:Extinction, 28 Days Later or Sean of the Dead.
My current favorite quote is from Andy Grove, founder of Intel:
"Only the paranoid survive!"
-My friend Kelli and I have a question we ask our friends when we are sitting around shooting the shit. Here's the question: Where are you gonna go when the zombies come?
My own answer is the product of seeing pretty much every zombie movie ever made by the time I was in 8th grade. My friends and I watched American zombie movies, Mexican ones, Italian ones and Phillipino zombie movies. Some were scary, some were disgusting and others just downright gratuitous.
So here's my answer. I would hole up at the nearest Walmart superstore that I knew sold guns and had plenty of ammunition, food and water on hand. And first aid supplies of course.
Kelli's answer is Costco. It's big, roomy, has camping supplies, food, water and auto repair items.
She and I agree that at some point a mutated virus or bio-weapon will be released among the general population. Just like in the movie Resident Evil:Extinction, 28 Days Later or Sean of the Dead.
My current favorite quote is from Andy Grove, founder of Intel:
"Only the paranoid survive!"
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