Ned to try and find my path in life in terms of career. Maybe financial adviser, maybe teacher, who knows where I'll end up. Where do you turn when you fall off the path of life ? Who or what puts you back on the right path ? I have to do it myself. Find my own way. Only I decide where I will be willing to live with compromise. There are choices you have to live and breath each day for years or longer. So how do I want to live this life - as a 9 to fiver or working non-traditional night shifts so I can paint and write and so I risk not making any decent money for years. Will it be worth it in the end to compromise more on money or on the work I do and the lifestyle I live. Which is the worse or lesser of two evils ? And how to choose ? Should I paste together 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet ? Or pick one path and roll the dice on it being the right one ?
Later - Everybody wants to be remembered by the people they care about or respect. I'm no different. The people I like or look up to, I would like them to have positive memories of me when I'm no longer here. Maybe it's weird for me to be thinking about these things at my age, but I can't help it. I mull over these thoughts that most people never have because they're able to live in the now. something which I still have to perfect. I'm too worried abt what comes next. Which way to aim, what to plan for, always impatient, waiting to see what's next, what's coming down the pike and how can I prepare for it ? It causes me to miss The Now and never live now when in reality the now is all that we will ever have.
I need to go to a meeting tomorrow - maybe the 9 am in La Grange. I need to develop some friends in recovery, like Josh and john james bk in Phoenix. It always seemed to help me forget abt the future and live in the moment. I can never learn that lesson too many times. It always helps me to get the proper perspective the same way most people would benefit from spending a day a year walking through a cemetery so that they don't let the daily grind keep them from realizing the eternal things are the things that will lastingly matter in your life.
If you pretend you will be dead in the very near future, maybe you won't do that stupid, petty thing that you will never be able to take back. That thing which gives temporary satisfaction but lasting regrets. These regrets, along with your resentments, tend to wear a hole in your soul sonner rather than later. And such a hole is never easy to patch. It makes you feel weary and old before your time. Kind of like the way I seem to feel everyday.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment