Dear Non-Existent Readers;
Just got back from the Caribbean on my first cruise vacation and I must admit I am a little fatter since the food was so damn good. I also realized I have a couple of strange habits. I steal good pens wherever I go - doctor's office, physical therapy, chiropractor, dentist, therapists offices - I think it's because they get nice pens from the pharmaceutical sales reps and at my job, they don't even provide us with pens to write anything down. Also - for the sake of full disclosure I liberated a coffee cup, a dinner napkin and a spoon from the S.S. Klepto before I disembarkated from the ship. Another weird habit - I collect business cards from barber shops. Maybe because I haven't had a truly good haircut in several years and I'm cheap as dirt, so I end up going to less talented follicle workers at Great Clips, Super Cuts and other fine chain establishments. I must say, the best haircuts I got recently were at V's Barbershop near Chandler Heights Rd. and Alma School in Chandler, and Cut To A T on Elliot by Kyrene in Tempe.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, October 12, 2009
Oct 12th Columbus Day
In Memory of Jeff Nelson -
Over the years the things I heard about Jeff were pretty positive. So were my own experiences. He was closer to my brother and his friends, but it's always a tragedy for the family to lose someone like this. I called Dan and told him what I knew, so hopefully he'll be able to drive down on Friday for the memorial dinner. Jeff, Brad, Joe, Rob and I swam together at Lane and he was a pretty fun person to be around. He had a very interesting perspective on things when I would talk with him and made me see things from a different perspective. I hope his mother and other family members get all the support they need in this chaotic and emotional time. My thoughts are with them !
Over the years the things I heard about Jeff were pretty positive. So were my own experiences. He was closer to my brother and his friends, but it's always a tragedy for the family to lose someone like this. I called Dan and told him what I knew, so hopefully he'll be able to drive down on Friday for the memorial dinner. Jeff, Brad, Joe, Rob and I swam together at Lane and he was a pretty fun person to be around. He had a very interesting perspective on things when I would talk with him and made me see things from a different perspective. I hope his mother and other family members get all the support they need in this chaotic and emotional time. My thoughts are with them !
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Sun 5-24-2009 Don't Be So Republican !
Sun 5-24-2009 Don't Be So Republican !
My brother and I like to argue about politics when we talk on the phone. He likes to try and explain to me how everything George W. Bush did was in our best interest and how Obama was screwing things up even before he was in office by the simple fact of his Democratness. He is quick to point out that every good idea was and always will be a Republican idea and that any good idea a Democrat comes up with is just something the Republican party forgot to lay claim to before they realized it was a good idea.
I counter by pointing out that a good amount of Republicans have been involved in scandals in the last few years. He makes the case that they were seen as Republicans only because the Republicans didn't have enough time to distance themselves and lay the groundwork for deniability before the bad news made it into the widespread media. That's the problem, my wizened older brother says, with the media in general. They're too busy publishing bad coverage of Republicans or promoting Democratic falsehoods to really tell the truth that the Republican Party wants the public to know (when it revises history to make itself look better in hindsight).
We agree on one thing - each of us is always right and has never had to admit we were wrong about anything. Denying that what you've said is inaccurate or comes from a biased viewpoint is a winning strategy and is usually best presented by following the other person's parlay with, "yeah, that's what I'm saying !"
My brother and I like to argue about politics when we talk on the phone. He likes to try and explain to me how everything George W. Bush did was in our best interest and how Obama was screwing things up even before he was in office by the simple fact of his Democratness. He is quick to point out that every good idea was and always will be a Republican idea and that any good idea a Democrat comes up with is just something the Republican party forgot to lay claim to before they realized it was a good idea.
I counter by pointing out that a good amount of Republicans have been involved in scandals in the last few years. He makes the case that they were seen as Republicans only because the Republicans didn't have enough time to distance themselves and lay the groundwork for deniability before the bad news made it into the widespread media. That's the problem, my wizened older brother says, with the media in general. They're too busy publishing bad coverage of Republicans or promoting Democratic falsehoods to really tell the truth that the Republican Party wants the public to know (when it revises history to make itself look better in hindsight).
We agree on one thing - each of us is always right and has never had to admit we were wrong about anything. Denying that what you've said is inaccurate or comes from a biased viewpoint is a winning strategy and is usually best presented by following the other person's parlay with, "yeah, that's what I'm saying !"
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Sat 5-23-2009 He’s Got an Anus Problem!
Sat 5-23-2009 He’s Got an Anus Problem!
My friend Ted from Chicago is a real character. Things are always happening to him that don’t seem to happen to anyone else. He took his dog to the vet one day and there was an old Jewish lady there with a poodle, which Ted was bending over to pet. As he was doing this, another lady was asking poodle lady what was ailing her little doggie. She says, “He’s got an anus problem”, then looked in Ted’s direction, who was still bent over with his ass in the air. Everyone in the waiting also looked that way and studied Ted, presumably to determine what he might have done to earn himself an anus problem. Ted just stood there like a deer in the headlights and blushed various shades of red.
Another time, Ted was doing a painting job for a lipstick lesbian couple who lived downtown. They were a very attractive couple, which everyone knows is the exception, not the rule. So at one point, he was taking a break and was sitting on their bed. He started thinking about all the erotic action their bed had seen over the years and stored up enough masturbatory fodder for the next couple of years.
My friend Ted from Chicago is a real character. Things are always happening to him that don’t seem to happen to anyone else. He took his dog to the vet one day and there was an old Jewish lady there with a poodle, which Ted was bending over to pet. As he was doing this, another lady was asking poodle lady what was ailing her little doggie. She says, “He’s got an anus problem”, then looked in Ted’s direction, who was still bent over with his ass in the air. Everyone in the waiting also looked that way and studied Ted, presumably to determine what he might have done to earn himself an anus problem. Ted just stood there like a deer in the headlights and blushed various shades of red.
Another time, Ted was doing a painting job for a lipstick lesbian couple who lived downtown. They were a very attractive couple, which everyone knows is the exception, not the rule. So at one point, he was taking a break and was sitting on their bed. He started thinking about all the erotic action their bed had seen over the years and stored up enough masturbatory fodder for the next couple of years.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Sat 5-23-2009 Phrase of the Day - Hot Girl Syndrome Explained
Sat 5-23-2009 Phrase of the Day - Hot Girl Syndrome Explained
Hot Girl Syndrome - This is simply the idea that a girl who is beautiful, sexy, cute, young or has a killer body isn’t very skilled or good in bed because (simply put) she doesn’t have to be. She’ll have no problem getting or keeping a boyfriend because he will usually be the envy of his friends and other guys in general. The real problem with a girl having this syndrome is that no girl is the only hot girl around and very few girls are always the hottest girl wherever they go. Eventually competition rears its ugly head and a more skilled or willing female enters the arena. Hotness levels fluctuate by zipcode, continent and for you trekkies, by galaxy.
Also, time plays a factor and at some point a hot girl will be competing with both younger and hotter girls and older, hotter girls ( your local cougar colony has many ladies that sport very low cut tops and don’t play the high-maintenance card thinking it is going to work for them). Young girls are starting to realize that a good-looking 25 year old guy is choosing a cougar over them because the head games and high maintenance of the twenty-somethings gets tiresome eventually. Most cougars are good to go when they see what they want and they are usually aware of what they are looking for.
They happen to have a little experience and know what to do with younger guys when they bring them back to their dens. The younger girls haven’t had to try very hard in bed and don’t have the experience of their feral feline counterparts. Fortunately, most of the ladies afflicted with hot girl syndrome eventually get into a relationship with a guy that they want to stay with and then they start to learn how to please their man. Those are the lessons no other girl or cougar will be able to take away from them.
Hot Girl Syndrome - This is simply the idea that a girl who is beautiful, sexy, cute, young or has a killer body isn’t very skilled or good in bed because (simply put) she doesn’t have to be. She’ll have no problem getting or keeping a boyfriend because he will usually be the envy of his friends and other guys in general. The real problem with a girl having this syndrome is that no girl is the only hot girl around and very few girls are always the hottest girl wherever they go. Eventually competition rears its ugly head and a more skilled or willing female enters the arena. Hotness levels fluctuate by zipcode, continent and for you trekkies, by galaxy.
Also, time plays a factor and at some point a hot girl will be competing with both younger and hotter girls and older, hotter girls ( your local cougar colony has many ladies that sport very low cut tops and don’t play the high-maintenance card thinking it is going to work for them). Young girls are starting to realize that a good-looking 25 year old guy is choosing a cougar over them because the head games and high maintenance of the twenty-somethings gets tiresome eventually. Most cougars are good to go when they see what they want and they are usually aware of what they are looking for.
They happen to have a little experience and know what to do with younger guys when they bring them back to their dens. The younger girls haven’t had to try very hard in bed and don’t have the experience of their feral feline counterparts. Fortunately, most of the ladies afflicted with hot girl syndrome eventually get into a relationship with a guy that they want to stay with and then they start to learn how to please their man. Those are the lessons no other girl or cougar will be able to take away from them.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Sun 5-17-2009 Word of the Day - Auto-Wilding.
Sun 5-17-2009 Word of the Day - Auto-Wilding.
Crimes committed and mayhem perpetrated while in the confines of a moving motor vehicle.
Crimes committed and mayhem perpetrated while in the confines of a moving motor vehicle.
Sat 5-16-2009 Ideas to Save the Publishing Industry
Sat 5-16-2009 Ideas to Save the Publishing Industry
Suburban Whore – a magazine for the modern woman.
Tweener Slut – for the 13 year old girl in all of us who wishes she was brave enough to wear all of the different colored wristbands.
Suburban Whore – a magazine for the modern woman.
Tweener Slut – for the 13 year old girl in all of us who wishes she was brave enough to wear all of the different colored wristbands.
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