Old Friends or What I Lost Along the Way

I recently watched a Bulls game at my friend’s house in the city- his name is Brad. I live pretty far out, so this doesn’t happen very often. He and his wife are both teachers. He’s got his basement set up to be like a media room, with one whole wall taken up by a huge TV screen. There were
about 10 of us there, mostly guys I went to high school with.

One of them, Rob, I hadn’t seen in about 20 years or so. He’s lived in San Francisco and then
Vancouver for the last 15 years or so. It’s funny how you don’t see someone for
so many years and they look exactly the same.

It’s also interesting how things turn out as you get older. In my group of friends, we have people who are living every kind of domestic life you could imagine, who work in all different
industries and who reside all over the world. We know policemen, firemen,
teachers, writers, professors, doctors, lawyers, accountants, IT specialists,
bankers, brokers, traders, carpenters, painters, the unemployed, the homeless,
salesmen, truck drivers, factory workers and people who work in Hollywood.

What does all this mean? You just never know where life is going to take you. As a kid, I would have guessed that by now I would be a well-known, published novelist and professor who lectures and conducts readings and workshops all over the country. I never could have
foreseen that I would be the one unemployed person in the litany of job titles
I mentioned above.

How did I get here? Because I never planned to be anywhere else. Also- the things you don’t do today tend to never get done. That is why I have several partially completed manuscripts, two completed volumes of poetry (they’re short and can be done quickly) and a whole file of
pretty good story and book ideas that I may never get to write. If success and
achievement were based on wishful thinking, best intentions and hoping for good
things, I would be famous, beloved, wealthy and in perfect physical health.

Life doesn’t keep score that way. Neither should you. The endeavors I failed in are the ones that I didn’t pursue and keep close to me like my life depended on it. I was extremely ambitious
when I was younger. I was going to set the world on fire. I had enough dreams
and aspirations for any ten people. What I lost along the way was my
determination, belief and perseverance. I let life kick me in the teeth one or
two times too many. I stopped thinking to myself that things would get better,
even though in my mind I would swear that it’s true. But for you – not for me.

My truth is darker and uglier. There’s no happy ending for me unless I make some pretty dramatic changes. I have to force myself out of my comfort zone. Not once in a lifetime, or even once a week. I have to push the boundaries of what I do and what I believe I can do
every day of my life. Without this kind of dramatic change, I will get more of
the same – mediocrity, low standards and a less than bright future.

But don’t cry for me Argentina! The way to the promised land is clear. In this modern age of endless research at the end of a mouse click, I can learn enough, know enough and get motivated
enough to make these changes. If not in the U.S., then where? If not now –
when? This is a time of great change, disruption, discomfort and opportunity. I
can fix myself if I put my mind to it.

I hope you live your life like every day is the first day of school. That is what will keep you growing, stretching and becoming more. It’s what I have tried to avoid at all costs since
childhood. And it’s held me back – big time. My fear of discomfort and change
has hobbled me and kept me from having the life I want.

I hope if you read these lines, you will learn from my walk down the wrong path and choose the better way. Don’t fear change, see it as variety instead.

Don’t avoid new roles and situations –they may be better than what you have now.